


Tumblr fanfic requests

by Kaku



Category: Frozen (2013), One Piece
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, cheetos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-06 02:59:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 33
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1841788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaku/pseuds/Kaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you'll regret reading these almost as much as i regret writing them. it gets worse</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bartolomeo Finds Love

Bartolomeo Finds Love, a one piece fanfiction

"Luffy-senpai , i love you" Bartoloemo says, getting down on one knee and showing a ring to the shorter man. This actually just put him at eye level with Luffy because Bartolomeo is like 7 ft tall.

"Sorry bobblemart but I only love adventure," Luffy says, gomu gomu no hang gliding away back to the Sunny with his crew.

Bartolomeo lays on the ground and cries over his now broken heart for days until someone kicks his shoulder.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING LAYING THERE, BOY?" Bartolomeo looks up to the source of this beautiful, deep voice. There was ex-vice admiral Monkey D. Garp standing over him.

Bartolomeo gasps, Garp looks like Luffy-senpai.. but manlier and hotter. Bartolomeo throws himself into Garp’s arms tightly embracing the very tall man.

"luffy-senpai broke my heart but you’ve healed it, Garp-senpai" Bartolomeo says through his tears. Garp shrugs and hugs the mohawked man back. They make out and Sabo sees and starts crying


	2. Cheating With Cheetos

Rob Lucci was out getting groceries for the rest of CP9. Everyone else was at work, so Hattori was alone in the house. One bag of cheetos remained.

Looking around to make sure he was still alone, Hattori approached the bag and lightly opened it, taking a single cheeto to try. Lucci hoarded his cheetos so Hattori had never had one before. It was delicious! Hattori figured one more wouldnt hurt, so he took another bite. He couldnt stop. before he knew it most of the bag was empty. He jumped when he heard a gasp behind him.

Lucci was there, crying.

"Hattori, how could you?" Hattori knew he’d committed the ultimate crime against his best friend.


	3. Good Gracious Ass Bodacious

One day, while killing innocent people for Justice, Akainu spotted a the behind of a beautiful woman with long hair down her back. He decided that if someone had an ass that bodacious he must see this woman’s face.

Walking the 40 feet that separated them in a few short strides bc he’s like 10 feet tall, Akainu tapped this mysterious woman on the shoulder.

"Excuse me ma’am do you have a permit to have such a fine booty" However, when she turned around, he realized it was Blackbeard! He gasped and crossed himself, as he did not realize it was Marshall and therefore did not say no homo first.

"Fine booty huh?" Marshall wheezed, dust and spiders crawling out of his nasty old mouth. Akainu blushed like a tsundere. Marshall grabbed Akainu and dipped the other man, kissing him deeply. They made out but Akainu forgot to tone down his saliva and it burned Teach to death and akainu cried


	4. Its a Metaphor

Laboon was making mating calls. he was a very lonely whale. finally something came to him. it was… a squid? Laboon was curious, he’d never mated with a squid before.

Luffy observed as the two animals began the mating.

"When was the last time the squid fucked the whale in a one piece fanfic?” Luffy pondered as the rest of the crew cried


	5. ur beautiful its tru

Cavendish grumbled. Bartolomeo, his best friend, drug him to this terrible concert for the Supernovas, Cavendish’s least favourite band. Bartolomeo was next to him was screaming his love for their singer, Luffy.

Cavendish sighed and leaned back in his seat. the seat broke under his beauty and he fell onto the woman behind him.

The woman gasped as she saw someone almost as beautiful as her.

"ARe you okay???" Cavendish was so amazed by this woman who was almost as beautiful as him he couldnt answer immediately.

"I am now" eh said. Hancock blushed. Cavendish blushed more. Rose petals twirled in the air around them.


	6. what the fuck

"Goodbye, Kaku." Olaf says as he begins to walk away from the older man. "I think it’s time this relationship comes to an end."

"But wait, Olaf! Don’t go!" Kaku cries, chasing after the snowman. "What will I do without you? Where will I go?"

"Follow your dreams" Olaf says as he melts into the ground. Kaku cries. His only dream was to spend his life with Olaf the snowman.


	7. we're only eatin out, we're eatin out alright

"That’s really gross," Perona says, watching Bonney inhale her food. "You should try eating like a person."

"Well, Perona, there’s something else I’d love to eat-" Bonney starts.

"Holy shit, no, god, just no, absolutely not, never" Perona says, walking right out of the room.


	8. boys will be boys

"haha you know how im planning to execute you? its because i think ur cute. boys will be boys" says spandam.

"fuck off you goddamn weeaboo" says robin, kicking spandam in the nads


	9. tittie

Wicca was chillin relaxin actin all cool when she noticed a beautiful chest pass her by. She chased after the owner of this spectacular pair of chest muscles.

"hey !!! you’re going the wrong way thats a dead end" Zoro gasped and looked at the small woman standing under him.

"im sorry im bad with directions can u show me the way" Wicca nodded and climbed him into his shirt. Gettin a good hold n the titty she directed zoro to his destination. Zoro thanked her.

"ok im here thanks for the directions"

Wicca said. “hey can i stick around w u” Zoro shrugged and Wicca got to touch the titties for the rest of their lives.


	10. rollin aroun at the speed of sound

Cabaji was rolling aroun on his unicycle when it stopped suddenly. Looking around for the cause, he spotted a ten foot tall man in a bright pink coat. Cabaji gasped.

"Donquixote Doflamingo‽" He exclaimed. Doflamingo grinned.  
"cabaji I've been watching you for a while now. Would you like to be my bride?" He asked, leaning down to the normal-heighted man. Cabaji blushed.

"YEs Doflamingo!!" He slipped the ring onto his finger and they frenched. Crocodile, secretly watching from the building they were standing under, cries over his broken heart and order 10 pints of ben & jerrys to be immediately delivered to him.


	11. rolling around pt 2: the reckoning

Crocodile was heartbroken after seeing the interaction between Doflamingo and Cabaji. Walking the lonely road, the only one that he has ever known, he runs into a cloaked man.

"Are you Death?" The cloaked figure laughs and removes his hood.

"Nope It’s ya boy Dragon" Dragon says. Crocodile lightens up a bit.

"Its been a long time Dragon" he says approaching the dude.

Dragon steps even closer, into Crocodile’s personal space.

"It has been a while hasn’t it?” Crocodile blushed as Dragon kissed him. Doflamingo watched from a distance, pain in his heart because even though he is an almost-married man, he still loves the sand logia.


	12. no thanks

Spandam grumbles and walks down the hall.

"Ill get them. Ill get those damn strawhats!!!" Spandam growls. He doesnt watch where he's going down the street and he knocks into a very large man.

"Hey!! gt out of my way!!!" He then notices who he bumped into. Sir Crocodile, the ex-shichibukai. Spandam gasps.

"I take it back! Don't hurt me!" Crocodile laughs, a deep, sensual sound to Spandam's ears. It makes his heart and his leather pants feel tight.

"I won't hurt you." Crocodile says, laying his remaining hand on Spandam's shoulder. He leans in and whispers in Spandam's ear.

"how would you like to have sand in your underpants"


	13. send this to oda

Every month, 2 Shichibukai meet up in private to…………. discuss business.

Crocodile throws his coat onto the floor as he walks up to doflamingo. He tugs on the feather monstrosity. Doflamingo takes it off and tosses it on top of the green coat already on the floor.

Finally, the two coats could be reunited in their eternal love.


	14. No, but I could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant

Sabo was walking through the park when he saw a group of performers. They were obviously looking for money. When he walked up he saw one of them was the most beautiful woman he;d ever seen.

"zoo wee mama!" Sabo said, observing her fabulous dancing as bubbles flew around.

Kalifa winked at him and he blushed. AFter they had a sufficient amount of money to pay for food and rent, Kalifa approached the fire man. Sabo asked her on a date to olive garden.

WHile they were eating, Sabo slipped a ring onto one of the free breadsticks. Kalifa picked up the breadstick with her beautiful nails.

Sabo got down on one knee, on top pf the table tho bc he’s a piece of shit.

"Kalifa, will you marry me?" Kalifa gasped.

"Yes!!" They got married and all the ex-CP9 joined the revolutionary army. EVeryone lived happily ever after.


	15. in the name of thr father son holy spirit

Brook stared into the water, To his surprise, he saw Laboon! He invited the whale onto th e Sunny and they talked. AS the night wore on, Brook looked Laboon in the eyes. They embraced and fell back onto the deck.

"Laboon, Yo yo yo!" Brook blushed. "Have yo u done this before?" Laboon whaled no.

 

"Ill be ge


	16. i found love in a hopeless place

Sanji walks deep into the Sunny, glancing over his shoulder. The other strawhats are all busy on the Island.

"No one can know" He whispers, standing inside a broom closet. He lifts the fedora from the paper bag it is in. He unzips his pants and sticks hi s dick in the hat. Zoro opens the broom closet.

"Holy shit dude"


	17. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Vivi goes on a trip wth the strawhats. After meeting the new members, one caught her eye.

"Nice hair" Vivi says to Franky, who is fixing a leak.

"Yours is pretty SUPER too" Franky replies. Vivi blushes.

"So, those nipple lights seem pretty useful. I'd love a pair." Franky looks up.

"I'll have to.. inspect them first." Franky says. Vivi makes a face like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and unbuttons the top of her shirt.


	18. Law blushes.

Law was walking down the street when he heard buzzing.

"What the dink is that noise" he said, looking around. He spotted a bunch of small yellow and black things. Those are his favourite colors!

"Hello insects" Law says. The bees buzz at him. They surround him. Law blushes.


	19. fountains of GAYne

Stacy and Zoro had been friends a long time. They hung out all the time, but one day, Stacy noticed Zoro was casting looks at her Dad (who was in the pool).

"zoro what are you looking at??" stcy asked.

"nothing" said zoro. when he left that say he went home and wrote a song


	20. Hole In One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Little did people know, Fleet Admiral Akainu regretted that day back at Marineford for the last 2 years. The truth was Akainu is in love with Fire Fist Ace.

One day, while walking down the street, someone called his name. He turned around and it was„„ ACE!??!

"Hello Akainu" Ace said. Akainu gasped. It really was Ace!

"But… How?" Akainu asked. Ace chuckled.

"I survived Marineford and I’ve been hiding for two years." Ace replied. Akainu couldnt believe it! There was no way his true love could be standing here in front of him!

"I have to go soon. But before you go…" Ace leaned up and kissed Akainu on the lips. Luffy, who was conveniently in the same town, saw this and cried so much that they all drowned.


	21. Fire and Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OOOHHHOHHHHOHOHOOHHOHOHOOHOOOOOOO MY GOD

Akainu grinned as he saw his lover walk through the doors of his office.

"Olaf!" he cried, joyous to finally see his long-time lover in person. He skipped over to the small snowman. "I've waited so long to meet you in person!"

Olaf smiled at his lover. "Hello, Sakazuki." Akainu kneeled down to hug Olaf. To his surprise, Olaf began melting!

"Oh no!" said Akainu. What could he do?

Olaf smiled up at him.

"It's okay, Sakazuki. Some people are worth melting for." Akainu cried as Olaf melted into the carpet.


	22. I DONT REMMEBER WRITING THIS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ive returned

Law was skipping down the road when he saws a hot egg.

"Whatsup buttercup," Says Law, swaggering over 2 the person. It was Luffy.

Luffy stared Law right in the eyes. Deeply. Very deeply. He leaned in. He leaned right into Law’s ear and he whispered;

"I smell like beef"


	23. i dont have a title for this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> accurate tho

Two years ago at Marineford, a tragedy happened. Portgas D. Ace died. it was terrible for Ace's family and friends, but no one felt the pain more than Ace's secret lover, Spandam. He didn't even have a shoulder to cry on, knowing that it could get him executed too.

They'd spent years together, knowing eachothers deep secrets, going on cutesy dates and having long,passionate nights together. Of course, Ace was also the only person who knew Spandams real name was..... Span D. Am!!! 

"What the fuck", you (the reader) say. "I'm fucking done with One piece. Goodbye"


	24. smutty sexy sex bird time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my god

Marco laid Ace down on the soft sheets of their bed. He latched onto Ace's neck, licking and biting his way down to Ace's erect nipples.

"Mm baby, take off your pants" Ace says. Marco does, revealing his massive flaming duck penis. Ace cries. Marco cries. Whitebeard cries. Luffy cries, Gold Roger cries


	25. a klb fluff fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there was only so much time until it had to come to this

Kid is crying .

"why are you crying" asked trafalalalalallalalaw who was reading a book. Bonney was there she was eating bc wtf else does bonney do

kid turned 2 his lovrs. “i have no nippples. I lost them in that BIg Fight that we know nothing abt bc oda is focusing only on law”

low and benedict were silent. “Eust ass….” Lawhisped. “i lov u neayway” bonney said “i love u also” too

kid cried adntehy cuddled


	26. clowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clowns are horrible

Akainu was waling down the road when he saw a clown. “I hate clwns” akainu siad. Then the clown turned around, this clown was exceptionally beautirful! but also was apirate

Akainus desire for someone to finally love him was greater than his hate for pirates and his childhood fear of clowns. he took the flower from his pocket and gave it to the clown

“marry me” akainu said. buggy looked up at the 19 ft tall how tall is akainu man.

“ok cool” buggy said. buggy is a weak ass motherfucker and now no one will hurt him bc hes married to akainu

the end xoxoxooxoxoxoxooxx


	27. A True Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not a request, nor is it from tumblr. It is the real story of a friend of mine, who I was speaking to on twitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joseph's real identity is http://jigens.tumblr.com/, he is a real person. Please take his beautiful story into mind.

It was a beautiful day. Two men stood inside a lovely palace. One a tall man with blue hair, and the other a living skyscraper with a pink coat and blond hair, they stood together, peering down at a newborn baby boy.

"Doffy-kun," Franky said with a smile. "He has your eyes."

The blue haired man said this as he held his newborn child. Doflamingo smiled and kissed the other man on the cheek. Doflamingo felt overwhelming joy as he smiled at his husband and their new child.

"M-M!"

“Franky, I think he's speaking!" Doflamingo and Franky peered at their child, patiently awaiting his first words.

"M-m!"

'Mom?' Doflamingo thinks.

Baby Josephs words finally came out, in his light baby voice, Joseph giggled and said, "mista im going to shit my fucking pants"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mista is my name. btw


	28. Fuck The Duck

“im gonna fuckn the duck” luffy said, walkin into alab  
you know what/???? i acnt do this anymore im fucking done u want luffy to fuck the duck??? u wan lyffy to fuck the duck dont u tumblr u fuckin zocho ass furry shits


	29. not jinbei, jinBEE

Baby 5 was walking around cerying probably because doflamingo murdered her boyfriend again. Suddenly she heard a buzz.  
“what was that” she said, getting the gun show ready. her arms were literally guns. terrifying  
suddenly, a relatively large blue bee came into view it was…………………………………………………………………… JINBEE!  
naby 5 gsed. the handomse jinbee was there and she wa sin his presence. jinbee buzzed a flirtatious commnet at baby 5. she flirted back adn doflamingo swaggered around to kill jinbee but jinbee punched him out and now hes married to baby 5 and they have like 10 horrific human bee hybrid children the end


	30. fucking thanks a lot dadan

“well golly gee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” kaku said setting his bags downin the front hallway of the beach house he was staying in w his partners.  
“its sure nifty of u guys to let me stay here while i hide from the governmen!” laku said to dadan, who was on vacation or sm shit idk  
“no problem” the large woman said as she smooched kaku on the cheek. kuzan was also hiding from the governemtn but he was sitting somewhere idk  
“theres one prob;em” kaku said. look ing at dadan  
“what”  
“we have this fucking nice ass beach and youre the only one that can swim wtf”


	31. lawctose intolerant

kid looks at law whos drinking milk. "i lov u even tho u drink milk and fart a lot becuase of it" law blushes. they marry


	32. Sex is a Texas Drought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh Fuck...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh fuck i forgot one piece

Zoros uh fucken. He's in dressrosa... WIcca is there and shes like in his tit pocket.I think this happened in another chapter.  
Wiccas Like Uh Fuck Zoro.. Show me them big tits..... and he does.... all big sweaty swords man tits.. the Reader is sweating.. big sexy zoRo tits...Wicca she. She like. slides down and fuck idk.. Sucks his tit. Yea sure. Luffys there. hes watching. a bead of sweat runs down his buttcrack. He licks his lips. I havent been to therapy in over a year because my therapist literally died. Luffy licks his. Lips at the erotic display. Bartolomeo licks the sweat. He cries


	33. Where! In! The! World! Is! (dogtooth)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dogtooth a nd luffy smoke pot
> 
> NSFW AND LEMON !!!!!!! hot yaoi dont like dont read
> 
> THis is a tribute to every bad ZoLu fanfic i read in 2012 but i used dogtooth instead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rockapella version of where in the world is carmen sandiego goes OFF I said Where! In! The! World! Is! (carmen sandiego)

Dogtooth was striding around Acityname. It had been a year since he'd last seen the Strawhats at Sanji's wedding. He was smoking a big doink. He coped with the horrified looks at his face by being stoned 24/7, which was a great idea in his opinion. It was a nice day out with the typical townfolks around until he saw Him............................ Monkey D. Luffy.

The sight of the rubber twink after all this time immediately gave him a woody. Dogtooth adjusted himself in his tight leather pants, which did nothing to hide his magnum dong. He strode over to Luffy, the marijuana dulling his basic sense to be embarassed.

"Hey Strawhat," The dogtoothed man said. "Wanna smoke this big doink with me?" Luffy seemed surprised to see the older man. He himself had harbored a crush of sorts on the large man. He'd never smoked weed, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to indulge himself while the crew was away. He followed Dogtooth down the street and into an alleyway. Dogtooth handed him the blunt and Luffy took a big ass hit. Commence being stoned.

The two doped out men sat next to eachother and laughed about like, birds or some shit. Luffy leaned his head on the 16 ft tall mans shoulder. He climbed into dogtootjhs lap, grnidng god i cant keep writing this. Its supposed to contain the phrase "It won't fit!" and "no need for preparation, i'm made of rubber" but i genuinely jsut cant do this. goodnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually a few chapters behind on one piece. oops. dogtooth is so fucking hot tho and i think he should be played by tom hardy


End file.
